Lucky Goodbye
by shelizabeth
Summary: Jo and Alex are married and have a child together when Jo is in an accident that makes her lose her memory. In this story Alex will be making her refall in love while also reliving great memories for Jo and in part, himself.
1. Chapter 1

"Who.. who are you?" I ask the unfamiliar face holding my hand. I'm laying down in a room I don't recognize. I can figure out, it's some type of hospital. If my mind is a picture on canvas, there are no clear brushstrokes. Everything is smeared colors.

"Jo... jo." The man says emotionally. "It's me, Alex. Do you remember me?" I suddenly feel guilty that I don't because he seems so invested in me. I shake my head slowly, as if the speed will deflate him any less. "It's okay, Jo. You were in an accident. It's not your fault. You were in a car accident."

I try to understand what he is saying, but suddenly I'm scared. Not of him, no not anything like that. I'm afraid of what he's implying. "Who are you?" I ask.

"Alex. We got married three years ago." Alex says, but still I remember nothing. He can see it on my face, I think. 'This is our daughter, Ainsley Lotus." Alex says as a blonde woman comes in carrying in a little girl who looks about two years old.

"That's... that's my baby?" I say, and as soon as I say the words out loud, I'm overwhelmed by the intensity of what I feel. I'm angry and terrified and heartbroken. I'm angry at myself at the idea that I could ever have a baby and forget her. It's impossible. I wouldn't. "You're lying!" I say when Alex nods. "You're lying!" I say louder. "Stop lying to me!"

"Alex, maybe you should leave her alone for a little." The blonde woman who's holding the little girl says. I look at the little girl, she looks scared. Did I scare her? Immediately, I want to hold her and protect her. I don't know why, could she be... No. I wouldn't forget my baby. She has dark hair with curls in it and brown eyes though, almost like...

"I don't wanna leave her." Alex says, never taking his eyes away from me. My mind is still on the little girl. I look at the blonde woman holding her.

"Can I... hold her?" I ask. She looks at Alex, Alex nods.

"I'm Meredith, by the way." The blonde woman says when she hands me the little girl.

"Ainsley?" I say to her, but I pose it as a question to Alex. He nods.

She looks at the sound of her name. "Mama," she says then looks at Alex. "Dada." And she claps at herself. Alex claps for her too and tells her good job. I'm suddenly overwhelmed again. But her face looks so much like I did as a baby.

"Jo, are you okay?" Alex asks concerned, when I start crying again.

"I can't remember anything." I tell him.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

I search my mind as far as back as I can go. But it feels like I'm trying to see through a giant black wall to see what's behind it.

"I remember... I remember graduating med school. I remember looking for Mrs. Schmidt in the audience."

"Okay, okay. Well I'll help you. I'll fill in the spots you don't remember. I'll help you get back to your life as normal as possible. You work here at the hospital. They are all very understanding. They want to help you get back to normal. Hopefully your memory starts coming back a little when you start getting into your normal routine. But if not, we'll create new memories. I promise we'll get through it."

I listen to his words. They sounds really nice to me. But I've never had a person that's just wanted to help me. I really don't know if I'm comfortable trusting someone so intensely and so dependently.

"How do I know you want to help me?"

"Because I love you." He says, his face seems shocked that I would ask. "You loved me, too."

"I'm sorry." I suddenly feel bad. "I just don't remember."

"It's okay." He says, his hand still in mine.

* * *

"This is where we live." He says, leading through me the front door with Ainsley on his side.

"It's nice." I say.

"Well you decorated it." He jokes, and I let a smile form on my face.

"Can you show me your room?" I bend down and ask Ainsley. Her face lights up as she grabs my hand and leads me up the stairs as fast as her chubby and unsteady legs can manage. I think I already have fallen in love with her.

When she starts yawning, I ask her if she wants me to read her a book. I lay her down and read the story she picks out "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie". I smile at her closed eyes and steady breathing, it didn't even take half the book. I go back downstairs to find Alex.

"Hey." I say, walking into the kitchen.

"I forgot how good you are with her," he says. "You've always been the only one to get her right to sleep. It must be the sound of your voice."

I blush a little at his compliment. "She's great," I tell him.

"Are you tired?" He asks. "The bedroom is right across from Ainsley's room."

"Um... do you mind... do you mind if I sleep on the couch tonight?"

He looks surprised, but recovers quickly. "Uh, no, I will. You take the bed."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"You don't have to be so nice to me. I know how to take care of myself."

"I know you do."

"What if my memory doesn't come back?" I ask, frustrated.

"I don't care."

"You don't CARE?" I emphasize.

"No. I don't."

"How could I forget my own baby? What kind of mother? I was supposed to be better..."

"Jo it's okay. It's not your fault. You were in an accident. You were protecting her. It was icey out and a car came flying out of nowhere and was coming head on to the back seat where Ainsley was. You sped up to avoid it and hit a tree head on. She barely had a scratch on her. They didn't know if you were gonna make it. You are an amazing mother. I promise. She loves you," Alex swears to me.

"What if I never remember anything? What if I never remember this life? or you? Or... or falling in love with you," my voice is quiet when I finish the sentence.

"Then I'll spend every day making you fall in love with me again. I won't give up on you, Jo."


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: _****HI GUYS! I'm back! I took a little hiatus from writing the Jolex fanfic, but I'm starting up again and it feels so exciting to be back. I REALLY hope you guys like this story because I have a lot of ideas for it. It will be a mix between memories (italics) and present day. If you read please review or message me on tumblr (my url is .com). It means so much to me to hear from you guys about the story. And if you have an idea or something you like/dislike please don't hesitate to tell me... I want to make it enjoyable to you guys as much as I can.**

**Thanks again for reading! I'm so thankful for you Greys and Jolex lovers!**

**P.S. Is anyone else a ****_teeeeeny_**** bit disappointed in the lack of Jolex moments in S10? :(**

_"You didn't have to skip Meredith's you know." Jo says._

_"I wanted to. I don't fit in with them anyway and their families and kids and happy stuff."_

_"True." Jo agrees. Then laughs at the face Alex gives her. "You're too messed up. Like me." Jo finishes, looking down at her chicken and taking a bite. Alex looks at her and smiles. "What?" She asks._

_"Nothing."_

_"You're weird." Jo teases him._

_"So are you."_

_"Let's do something." Jo proposes._

_"Like what?"_

_"Well, I don't know. I mean its our first thanksgiving as a couple. We should make it memorable, you know, just in case."_

_"Just in case?"_

_"Just in case... you know," Jo says getting quieter with each word. Alex raises his eyebrows. "You know, we look back at it in 50 years... we'll have something to remember."_

_"So you're saying basically you want to spend the next 50 years with me." Alex smirks._

_"Shut up! Nevermind." Jo says, her face flushed red._

_"No, I like the idea. I know what we should do, too."_

_Alex switches side with Jo and starts driving. When they get to the park, he turns to Jo._

_"Can you take your scarf off?"_

_"Why?" Jo says hesitantly._

_"Because. It's a secret."_

_"Alex, I already know we're at a park."_

_"Just do it. Please?"_

_Jo, looking at his big eyes, complies. "You're so weird," she tells him again._

_Alex gets out and opens the door for Jo. She takes his hand and tells him he better not run her into any trees._

_"No promises." Alex replies. When he picks her up, she yelps a little._

_"What are you doing?!" She exclaims._

_"Shhh."_

_When he puts her down, he tells her she can look now. She pulls the scarf down from around her eyes and looks at him in disbelief._

_"What is this?"_

_"A boat." Alex answers simply._

_"Yes, I mean, where did you get this boat? And how.. and.."_

_"It's mine. I own it."_

_"You own a boat? You never told me!"_

_"You never asked." Alex shrugged._

_"Alex!"_

_"Are you going to enjoy it or not?"_

_Jo sits down in the seat next to where Alex is steering. The sun is setting, and it looks beautiful._

_"Will you steer it for a minute? Just keep it straight." Alex asks. He gets up and reaches under the seat towards the front of the boat. Pulling out candles, he tentatively starts placing them around the boat and lighting them._

_"Did you plan this?" Jo says, incredulous. For a response, Alex shrugs, but he can't hold back a smile. "Alex, you did!"_

_"Shut up. I wouldn't plan something so cheesy."_

_"Alex Karev, you are a top-end romantic."_

_"It's whatever."_

_"No, it's great. I love it. I love you." Jo says. Alex stops the boat in the middle of the lake._

_"I love you too Jo."_

_Jo responds to this statement by enveloping his body. His mouth taste like a combination of his mint toothpaste and the sugar of the soda he was just drinking. Jo smiles in her kiss. To make sure Alex doesn't get the wrong idea and pull away, she wraps her hands around the back of his head. Her body's on top of his, and she can feel the heat from his body diffuse to every part of her. There's something so different about being with Alex._

_Jo wakes up with her face in Alex's shoulder._

_"Good morning." He says, his voice scratchy._

_"We slept out here all night?" Jo looks up at the sun risen in the sky._

_"Well, slept is a relative term. You kept stealing the blanket." Alex says, and Jo looks down at the single fleece blanket solely wrapped around her._

_"You're so cute." Jo says and pecks his lips. For some reason she found it adorable that Alex thought to bring a blanket, but only thought to bring one. Everything he did seemed extra cute to her right now._

_"Happy thanksgiving," Alex told her. "Even though it was kind of weird."_

_"It wasn't weird... it was unique," Jo challenges. "And it was the best holiday I've ever had." Alex smiles at her. "I wish it could always be this simple." Jo tells him._

_"Why can't it?" He asks her._

_"Can I ask you something?" Jo asks, looking up._

_"What?"_

_"Last night, when you said you liked the idea. Were you talking about going out or... spending the fifty years with me?"_

* * *

I listen to Alex tell the story at the breakfast table. In the process Alex has poured me cereal to eat and cleaned up his bowl. He's washing Ainsley's face after she finished her oatmeal.

"That sounds... really nice." I say when he finishes.

"It was." Alex tells me. "You were the perfect balance of spontaneous and cautious. You were funny and passionate and intelligent. You were... well, you were perfect," Alex says. He looks up at me.

I watch Alex's eyes when he speaks. He seemed to really love this girl. It's hard to fathom the idea of this perfect girl and myself being the same person. It's hard to believe the idea someone could love me so much.

"You are perfect." Alex corrects himself. I smile at him. It's nice that feels so strongly about me. I only wish I remembered, that I could feel half of what he feels for me. I wish I could be who he needs me to be. And who Ainsley needs me to be. They both deserve more. Maybe Alex could find more if I left. Maybe I should go, start over. And let Alex do the same.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm going through the closet in the bedroom when Alex walks in.

"Hey, Mer said she'll watch Ains for a couple hours so we can spend some time together. If that's okay..."

"Sounds great." I smile. This is my chance, I think. "Mer is...?"

"Meredith. The one from the hospital." Alex explains and I nod. I secretly wish I could spend more time with the little girl, but I keep telling myself it's better for her to leave now. "I'll be right back. You'll be okay?" Alex asks. Was he always this sensitive and caring? I wonder. I nod to give him a response when I realize he's waiting.

As soon as he leaves, I start packing all the woman clothes I can find, in a bag I find in a drawer in the closet. It's a nice closet. It's got room to walk and even a stool to sit on it. From the bottom to about halfway up, it's lined with different shoes. Above that, there are endless amounts of clothes. Did I really live like this? The last I remember I was barely making rent at a tiny one bedroom apartment. I must have found a good job. Am I successful surgeon? Is it really possible my life has turned out like what I used to dream about what it would be when I was sixteen? Would I really want to run away from this?

But then, there's Alex. He seems so loving, so caring... if I never remember... how could I put him through that? The angst and hope of my memory, and the bitter disappointment. I can't do that. I have to do this for Alex and Ainsley, I guess I just thought it would be easier. I probably should have thought this through a little better, I realize, as I have nowhere to go. I'm sure I could tough it out somehow. But right now, I feel the sudden urge to sit down. I sit on the bed I slept on last night. It's pretty comfortable. The comforter is kind of a bland brown color, but it's really warm. I like it regardless. I lay down on top of it. I tell myself I'll rest my eyes for a moment, because I don't know the next time I'll be in a comfortable bed. My bag is at the foot of the mattress, ready to go.

* * *

I open my eyes, suddenly disorientated. When I suddenly forget where I am, I am relieved that it suddenly comes back. I am at Alex's home. I am married. I have a daughter. I was in an accident. I was going to leave. I was going to run away. Fuck. How did I fall asleep? It must have been hours. Alex must have come home. Where is he? Probably downstairs. Suddenly I remember my bag. It's in the same place. It's untouched. I walk downstairs, without it, to see if Alex is there. He's sitting on the couch. He's staring at the tv and he's got a bowl of popcorn in front of him. I can't help but think that he really does look really cute.

"Um, Hi." I say, almost too quietly.

"Jo." He says simply. His voice sounded smooth like milk.

"Yeah." I respond, dumbly. "Um, how long was I sleeping?"

"Well I got home like an hour ago. And I took like a half an hour because I was talking to Meredith. So I don't know how quickly you fell asleep."

"Oh," I nod. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You've had an exhausting couple days."

I nod. "Did you, um, see the bag?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd be better without me. But then I didn't want to leave. I really didn't So I got confused, then really really tired. I guess, too tired."

"How could you think I'd be better without you?"

"I don't know. In case I never remembered."

"Jo, that's ridiculous. You're still you. I don't care if you never remember me. I still love you for everything you are. None of the other crap matters."

"But Ainsley. She's such a great little girl Alex. She deserves better."

"That doesn't even make sense, Jo. You may not remember her, but she remembers you. And that little girl loves you. The only thing you could do to hurt her is leave her. But I won't stop you. I don't want to be here controlling you and have you resent me. It's your choice. But I'll always be here. Waiting for you."

"I- I don't want to leave." I admit to him. He wraps his arms around me, and though I feel a little uncomfortable, they feel warm. I awkwardly let my arms loosely fill around him.

"I was hoping you would say that." He says after. "Because I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I ask, a little excited.

"Yeah," he answers. "I think you'll like it."

* * *

"A zoo?" I ask as we park in front of the entrance.

"Yeah. When we first started dating you used to tell me you love zoos, and I'd make fun of you for it. You said there was something special about them."

I smile at his explanation. "When I was little, I'd sneak into the zoo I lived near for a couple years. I used to pretend I lived in there with the monkeys. That they could sense I was lonely and took me in. I don't know why. I just always imagined it. I loved looking at all the animals. But I would always get upset watching the parents buying their kids cotton candy or stuffed animals souvenirs. Like I was missing out. I don't know," I say, realizing I'm looking down. When I look up, Alex is smiling. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing. You would never tell me before when I asked why. You said it was dumb."

"Oh." I say, suddenly embarrassed I told him.

"I'm glad you told me." He assures me.

"Stop smiling." I say, not being able to stop my own.

"You first," he counters me. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I say relieved, opening the car door.

At the monkey exhibit, I watch them and my heart suddenly feels heavy. I am happy but sad and I don't understand how that can be. It feels like I somehow got everything I wanted and yet let it slip away somehow. Alex keeps saying it's not my fault. That seems logical to me, yet I can't help but feel like it's another situation of me messing up everything good in my life.

"I got you something." Alex says from behind me. In his hand he's holding an elephant stuffed animal and a huge stick of pink cotton candy. "I would have got you the monkey, but the elephant was cuter," he reasons.

My hands reach to my cheeks. "You didn't have to do this," I say shaking my head.

"Obviously." He jokes. "I wanted to."

For the first time since the hospital, I put my arms around him first. I don't let myself think about anything I have since I've been home, only the comfortable feeling of his fingertips against the small of my back and the way my nose rests right where I can breathe in the scent of his shampoo.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Happy birthday." Jo says, moving on top of him to kiss him. Alex responds only by returning the kiss. When Jo finally pulls away and rolls back to her side of the bed, he speaks._

_"Why'd you stop?" He whines._

_"Because we have to get up!"_

_"Noooo, we don't," Alex reasons._

_"Yes we do," Jo lets out a small laugh. "I have plans for today."_

_"I would rather stay in bed." Alex smiles, rolling over on top of Jo._

_"We caaaaan't!" Jo tries to not let her voice sound like a squeal. She touches his cheek and rubs her thumb in circles. "Seriously. We can't be late. We'll miss it."_

_"Miss it?" Alex asks._

_"Yes. Get dressed," Jo says, pushing him off and standing up. She grabs a grey long sleeved shirt and jeans and throws them at Alex's face, still laying in bed. She stands just feet in front of Alex when she starts undressing._

_"You're just teasing me on purpose now." Alex accuses._

_"I am not!" Jo's smirk gives away her pretend surprise at his accusation._

_"I'm going to take a shower first. Feel free to join." Alex says, half-joking._

_"You wish. You've already made me late." Jo says heading to the door of the bedroom. Alex smiles. "Hurry up." She says, her voice echoing behind her._

_Alex comes downstairs in under 15 minutes dressed and with wet hair._

_"Are you making pancakes?" He asks, kissing her cheek with his arms wrapped around her stomach._

_"Yes. It's for your birthday."_

_"I thought we had somewhere to go."_

_"We do. After. I just wanted to get started on our day so you don't stay in bed all day."_

_Alex makes a face, then looks down. "Are these chocolate chips?"_

_"No I'm making you raisin pancakes. Of course they are. I mean, it's your favorite."_

_"Uh.. Jo..."_

_"What?"_

_"I think your pancakes are..."_

_"What? Oh fuck! Fuck!" Jo yells, turning off the stove. The burnt smell swims in the air up to their noses. "Don't." Jo turns to Alex as his face breaks into laughter. "Alex!"_

_"What? It's funny. You're cute. I love that you tried."_

_"Shut up." Jo pouts, crossing her arms._

_"I have frozen waffles. It will be just as good." Alex tells her._

_"Ugh, I'm so dumb. This was dumb. But the rest of today is going to be better."_

_Jo finishes first, and is visibly excited while watching Alex finish._

_"Will you calm down?" Alex asks, finishing his last bite._

_"Let's go!" Jo says. "It's time to go! It's kind of a long car ride."_

_After driving 45 minutes, Jo pulls in to a bland, vast parking lot. There's enough spots for about 200 cars here._

_"What is this?" Alex asks._

_"You'll see." Jo says, jumping out of the car and running to open the door for Alex. Alex can't help but smile at Jo's visible excitement._

_Jo leads Alex through the field._

_"Jo..."_

_"Shhhh." Jo says, holding Alex's hand. She stops in front of a hot air balloon. "Here."_

_"Is this a...?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Are you serious?"_

_"Yes!" Jo practically yelps._

_"And we're gonna...?"_

_"Yes! So cool, right?!"_

_After the hot air balloon ride, Jo thanks the pilot controlling the balloon and Alex disappears._

_"Alex?" She says, heading off to the direction of the car. "Alex?" She says in response to the sound in the woods. "Alex? Are you puking?!" She says, approaching him, bent over, his hand on a tree. "Oh my god, baby, are you okay?" Usually Jo isn't big on pet names for some reason, but it suddenly came out when she was worried._

_"I'm... fine. My stomach was just feeling a little... off."_

_"Oh my god, Alex, are you afraid of heights? You didn't tell me. You should have told me!"_

_"I'm not!" Alex says defensively. Jo raises her eyebrows at him. "I didn't wanna ruin the day. It's stupid. I'm not afraid, it just gets my stomach a little upset."_

_Jo bites the side of her bottom lip when she smiles at him. She can feel the smile all the way up to her eyes. She doesn't know what's cuter, that he's afraid of heights or that he was too embarrassed to tell him and ruin the day. "You should have told me. I could have thought of something better." She says, kneeling down now and rubbing his hair._

_"It's stupid." He grumbles._

_"It's not." Jo counters. "Nothing about you is stupid to me."_

* * *

"Oh my god, with the pancakes and hot air balloon it sounds like I completely ruined your birthday!" I exclaim when Alex finishes. I'm on the floor watching Ainsley play with a toy drum that lights up different colors and Alex is across from me.

"No, actually, it was one of my favorite birthdays ever." Alex looks me in the eyes when he promises me this. I smile at him.

"Well, then, I'm glad I was a complete f-messup." This makes Alex laugh. Ainsley looks up at him. Her eyes look bright when she hears him laugh. He must be really good to her. It feels too good to be true, almost. To have these two amazing people who love me. "Can I ask you something about... before?"

"Of course." Alex answers.

"Do I have a job?"

"Yes. You work at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. You're a fifth year resident."

"I'm almost an attending?" I exclaim.

"...yes." Alex says, slowly.

"When do I go back to work?"

"Whenever you're ready. They're very understanding of the situation. It's no rush." He assures me. It's weird that it feels like I'm starting over, but I'm really not. They all know me, remember me. I'm envious of this quality they take for granted. I wish I could. I wonder what they thought of me before. Will I be the same? Will they like me less? Or more now? I wish I knew who I used to be.

"Do you work there?"

"Yes."

"Is that how we met...?" I ask.

Alex smiles. "Yeah," he answers, but he looks lost in his own little world. "It's actually a pretty funny story."

"Well you'll have to tell me about it sometime." I tell him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I just wanna thank you guys for reading my stories again after my hiatus. It's been so fun writing Jolex again, I'm refalling in love no joke. Chapter 5 is a special flashback chapter of Jo and Alex's wedding day/night and it's a little longer so I hope you guys like it because it's kinda my thank you for giving my new story a chance and reading it. I seriously appreciate it so much. Also thanks for the reviews, every time I see a notification of a new one I get so excited to read what you think. Anyway thank you soo so much! **

_"I'm so nervous. I can't breathe. I'm not breathing." Jo says, her hands flapping in front of her face._

_"Jo, relax. Jo, listen to me," Stephanie commands. "You are okay. It's going to be perfect."_

_"Am I supposed to be able to breathe in my wedding dress?" Jo asks. Stephanie just looks at her until they both laugh._

_"I don't think so." Stephanie says, still laughing._

_"Are you guys almost ready?" Meredith asks, poking her head in the door._

_"Yeah. Everythings great. Have you talked to Alex?" Jo asks._

_"I just saw him with Jackson. He's fine."_

_"Okay," Jo breathes. "Okay, great." When Meredith leaves, Jo exhales again. "Steph, I can't do this."_

_"It's cold feet. Everyone gets nervous. Yes you can."_

_"What if I'm making a mistake?"_

_"You're not."_

_"How do you know that?"_

_"Because I do. I've seen you guys together. You love him and he loves you. He cares about you, he protected you. Everything you have with Alex is what I was desperate for with Jackson. But sometimes people have it and sometimes people don't. You two have it. It's not a mistake."_

_Jo rubs Stephanie's arm up and down, because she knows her breakup with Jackson still hurts her even though it happened almost a year ago. At April's wedding, she went with Jackson as a couple but during the ceremony Jackson jumped up and gave this big speech about giving April a reason not to. Everyone was shocked. It was like a scene from a movie, and the only one who wasn't in on it was Steph. Jackson and April are engaged now themselves and Matthew and Stephanie were the ones left to pick up the pieces. She's been steadily avoiding him, but I know today will be hard, because she's my maid of honor and Jackson is Alex's best man._

_"Thank you Steph." I say softly, gently giving her arm a squeeze. "I'm sorry if this is too hard for you. I won't hold it against you if you want to, you know..."_

_"What? Leave? Are you kidding? I'm going to be up there balling at your wedding." I smile at her, grateful to have found my job where I've met such an amazing people. Mentors, best friends, and the man I'm about to marry. "Are you okay?" She asks me._

_"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm nervous. It's just... Can I tell you something?"_

_"Of course." Stephanie says, scrunching her eyebrows. I'm not used to her without glasses._

_"I'm pregnant."_

_"What? With Alex's...?"_

_"Of course!" I assert._

_"How far?"_

_"Only three weeks. I shouldn't even mention this. It could be a fluke, I don't even know. I haven't done a blood test or anything."_

_"Jo, he'll be so happy. He'll be happy." Steph assures me._

_When Jo's walking to Alex, all she can think is how handsome he looks. Tears press from the bottoms of her eyes when she thinks about the idea of having him for the rest of her life, starting a family with him, being with him. Going out with him, attending other weddings with him, spending rainy days inside with him. With anyone else, it would seem like too much. But the idea of doing it all with Alex, it still doesn't feel like enough time._

_After the ceremony, Jo and Alex wait behind the scenes while all the guests file into the room for the reception. The ceremony was outside, and the weather couldn't have been more perfect. Jo and Alex are going to dance to a song especially special to Jo, called The Right Man by Christina Aguilera. Alex agreed easily when Jo told him how much the song meant to her. That's when they make their entrance. Then immediately after, Meredith makes a toast, than Mrs. Schmidt, then Jackson, then Stephanie. Alex and Jo sit at a special table in the middle seated for just two. Jo takes a deep breath at her cue to go out._

_Her dance with Alex was perfect. The song made her feel everything she dreamed of when she was younger. She choked up again, but she told herself her wedding day was a get out of crying free card. There's a band playing here, and when the music stops, everyone looks up._

_"I'd like to make a toast, to one of my closest friends in the world, Alex. As well as his new wife, Jo. I've known Alex for a long time, and he hasn't always been easy to know," Meredith looks up and cracks a smile. People give her a little laugh for her joke. "He's one of the most stubborn and pig-headed people I've ever met, but also one of the gentlest and most caring. But that side wasn't always so easy to get to. Even at the beginning of our friendship, it took me awhile to believe there was something as special as there is. But with Jo, as soon as they met, she knew. She knew he was good and caring. She saw things in him that most people refused. I've been lucky enough to know him for almost 10 years now, to be able to call him my family, and I can truthfully say Jo brings a side to him that makes him even better. I've never seen him happier, and that, in turn, makes me and all of his family at Grey Sloan Memorial very happy. So here's a toast to Alex, and the woman who makes all of us so happy, Jo Karev."_

_At the end of Meredith's speech, everyone claps and she goes over to hug Alex and Jo. Jo whispers thank you, and Meredith says it back to her. Jo wipes away a tear from her eye, and Alex and Jo look at each other and smile. Everyone looks up at the sound of someone clearing their throat in the microphone._

_"Um, hello everyone. Many of you don't know me. My name is Eileen Schmidt. I was fortunate enough to meet Josephine in high school. I don't know if all of you know, but Jo didn't live the easiest of lives. Things were never handed to her, and she had every opportunity to give up, to accept a life of mediocrity. What I found in her was the opposite; I found hope, determination, intelligence. I found strength in a child that most adults will live their whole life without. I found courage in her smile and I saw dreams in her eyes. I watched her finish top of her class, I stood in the audience clapping as she graduated medical school. I was on the other side of the phone when she got her dream residency program. I even heard about her mentor Alex, and her fear that he didn't like her." Mrs. Schmidt stops so everyone can let out a small laugh. Jo looks at Alex. "To be here, to see her succeed and find someone who loves her so deeply," she turns to Alex, "thank you. For finally treating this princess the way she's always been supposed to be treated." Mrs. Schmidt finishes by wiping her eyes, and Jo fixes her dress to get up. She reaches her arms out approaching her former teacher and whispers thank you to her. "I'm so proud of you." Mrs. Schmidt whispers softly back. Jo wipes her eyes and makes her way back to the two person table. Alex holds her hand in his._

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too." Jo answers him, giving his hand a little squeeze._

* * *

_"Are you ready yet?" Alex calls. He's laying on the hotel bed. They're staying in a hotel tonight, before they go to Cancun tomorrow._

_"No!" Jo calls. Alex sighs. The bed is actually really comfortable. The bed has a white duvet, with two long rails coming up from the footboard. The walls are painted a sunset orange color. At first Alex didn't, but Jo did, and now it's growing on him. There's a small kitchenette to the left of when you walk in, and the bathroom is on the far wall; the wall slighting protruding further out for about three fourths of the length, creating a small corner deeper in the room. "Okay, ready!" Jo yells from the bathroom. Suddenly Alex is filled with butterflies, but the best kind. It's not like they haven't had sex before, but tonight feels different. Like it needs to be special somehow._

_Jo walks out in a black lace corset and reaches her arm out to pose. Her feet are in black heels, and she moves them awkwardly. Alex can't help it, he lets out a laugh._

_"Alex!" Jo yells._

_"Sorry! You look so sexy, Jo. You do." Alex says, sitting up._

_"No. This is dumb. I just wanted it to be special. Ugh. I'm so dumb." Jo says, sitting on the edge of the bed taking off her shoes._

_"No. It was all very hot. You are the farthest thing from dumb." Alex says coming up behind her, bringing his mouth to her neck._

_"You have to say that. You're my husband." Jo says, turning her head to bring his lips up to her own. They both smile at the word. Her hands rest on both his cheeks. Alex is wearing a white t-shirt and navy blue boxers. Jo's hand trails down his chest and his stomach until she finds the elastic of his underwear. She pulls on it with her thumb and lets it snap back. When Alex gives her a little moan in their kiss to ask for more, her hand slips underneath the band._

_Jo pushes Alex down on his back and leans over him while he quickly rips off his shirt. For a minute, she stops the kiss to look at him. When she goes back, she doesn't return to his lips, but the side of them. She continues down his neck, his chest, his stomach. When she gets to the elastic, she uses both hands to pull it down and brings her mouth back to his waist. She starts kissing right underneath his belly button and continues trailing down._

_"Don't cum yet." Jo whispers when she finishes. Alex, suddenly overcome with passion, turns Jo over to get on top of her. The black corset has a zipper right down the front, and Alex unzips it anxiously. He starts sucking on her boobs and then stops._

_"Are you comfortable babe?"_

_"Keep going." Jo breathes after nodding._

_Jo wakes up in the morning completely wrapped in Alex's arms, the first thought in her mind being how much she likes the idea of staying in this position forever. She's facing Alex and he's facing her, and she's laying on his left arm. She knows if she moves she'll wake him up, so she decides to wake him up by giving him a small kiss on his lips. Alex kisses back before opening his eyes, and this makes Jo smile for some reason._

_"Good morning." She breathes with her stinky morning breath._

_"Good morning." He returns, kissing her again._

_"You're kissing me even with my stinky morning breath!"_

_"It's not stinky to me." Alex tells her, scrunching his eyebrows. "It's just Jo. I like it."_

_"You're so weird."_

_"You figured it out a little too late." Alex tells her with fake sympathy._

_"Oh yeah?" Jo smiles. "Why's that?"_

_"Because you already married me, obviously."_


	6. Chapter 6

"Jo!" I'm greeted by a girl with glasses and curly black hair by the nurses station. Alex is by my side, and as much as I hate to admit it, I feel better with him next to me. Everyone here knows me, but I don't know them. And that is very frightening.

"Um, hi." I say, slowly, looking at Alex.

"How are you? Are you okay?" She asks. "How much do you remember?"

"Uh, not much..." I tell her.

"She doesn't remember starting at the hospital." Alex explains for me.

"Oh," The girl says, and I can see her face drop. This makes me upset with myself. It seems all I've been able to do is let people down.

"It's okay, Jo." Alex says quietly to me, as if he read my mind. "It's not your fault." I nod to tell him thanks.

"Well, I'm Stephanie. You were my best friend." She tells me. Then it registers. Stephanie. My maid of honor. My best friend. This is her.

"Hi." I tell her.

"Hi." She smiles.

"Jo, I have to go talk to Arizona for a minute. You'll be okay? Stay with Stephanie, okay?" I nod to him. I don't know who Arizona is, but she's obviously a doctor Alex works with. I really don't want him to leave, or want to go with him even, but I don't want to be clingy.

"So, do you have any idea when you wanna come back to work?" I shake my head. "Well, I have a kinda slow day. You can come with me and see how it feels, I mean, if you want."

"Okay." I say, but my voice sounds like I need to clear my throat. So I do, but then suddenly I feel a little awkward.

"I have an appendectomy right now. You remember those?"

"Uhh, yes." I tell her. It's med school 101. In the operating room, I get flooded with an overwhelming feeling. It's hard to explain or label exactly what it is. I think maybe like deja vu. But suddenly I remember standing in this room. I remember standing over a patient with another doctor. Dark hair, nice teeth... what's her name? I can't remember her name. But her face is clear in my mind. I've been here before. I remember.

"I remember!" I exclaim.

"That's great, Jo." Stephanie responds more calmly. How is she calm?

"I need to find Alex! Where can I find him?"

Stephanie hesitates for moment, as if she's my babysitter and doesn't know if she should let me go out into the hospital alone. "I lost my memory, I'm not mentally impaired." I tell her.

"He's talking with Arizona, so probably on the fifth floor. Just take the elevator at the end of the hall."

"Thanks. Thanks for um," I start. "understanding. And everything." She smiles at me and I take off.

As soon as I get off the elevator, Alex is right in front of me with a blonde woman in navy blue scrubs and a white lab jacket.

"Alex." I say, approaching him.

"Jo! How'd you find me?"

"I remember."

"What?"

"I went to the operating room. I remembered. I remembered being in there with another doctor. I remember worrying about doing something wrong in front of her, so she must have been superior. She had dark hair. And really straight teeth." Jo describes the characteristics she can remember.

"Callie?" The blonde woman speaks up. I just look at her, telling her with my face that I don't know. "I think she's talking about Callie. Let me page her down here."

"That's Arizona. Head of pediatrics." Alex explains. "Callie is an ortho attending. Also Arizona's wife. She fits your description pretty well."

Losing your memory is kind of like an outer body experience in itself. But even weirder, is when you feel pieces coming back to you. Your mind is like a really intricate puzzle. The people you meet, the choices you make, everything that happens to you are just pieces of it. In the end, you're trying to make it all fit together perfectly. When it does, you feel happiness. When you lose your memories, it's like trying to fit the pieces together but there's nothing on them, it's just a blank puzzle. So you don't even know if they're fitting, because it doesn't even make a picture.

"You paged?" The familiar woman says looking at Arizona.

"Callie...?" I ask, going by what Arizona and Alex said.

"Wilson?" Callie says, realizing her for the first time. "How are you?" Then she turns to Alex. "How is she?" She asks.

"Dr. Torres." I say, stating this name instead of asking this time. Dr. Torres is the first piece for me, like faded colors in my puzzle. Though this memory may not have been this most important, it becomes it. Because it gives me a sense of hope I haven't felt since I woke up in a room I didn't remember.

* * *

_"Hey Alex, can you stop at the store for me after work?" Jo says, walking up to him at the Nurses Station._

_"Why can't you?" He says distracted. Jo expected this response, so knows what to say._

_"I have to stay later to monitor my post-ops. Pleeeeeeease." Jo pouts her lip out and looks up at him until he looks at her._

_"Fine. What do you need?" He agrees._

_"Thank you." She gives him a sweet smile. "I made a list." Jo suddenly gets nervous pulling the list out of her lab coat pocket._

_"A list?" Alex says taking it. "How much stuff do you need?" He continues, opening up the list. Jo doesn't realize she's holding her breath. "Prenatal vitamins? The new Parenting magazine? Jo what are you trying to s-"_

_"I'm pregnant." She says quickly._

_"Are you serious?"_

_"...Yes." Jo says, her nerves taking over._

_"You're pregnant? With like a baby?" Alex asks, and Jo stares him and raises her eyebrows. "Like with our baby?"_

_"Yes..."_

_Suddenly Jo is wrapped up in Alex's arms and her feet are off the ground. She can't help out the little scream that comes out. Alex kisses her lips._

_"We're having a baby!" He tells her, loud enough for anyone around to hear._

_"We are." She laughs, kissing him again._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Just a quick note to say thank you for the reviews! I don't know why some aren't posting...? I didn't moderate any... For some reason they've been showing up days late. BUT I get an email for everyone so I read them all there and they make me so happy haha I love hearing what you like/dislike. I really try to take them in consideration, like someone wanted to see Jo tell Alex about the pregnancy so I wrote that in last chapter. So if you have an idea/want something please feel free to let me know! Thanks again. And OMG the Jolex the scene in last nights episode. So cute how he protected her :)**

"Did we ever fight?" I ask Alex. He's sitting on the couch and I'm laying down, my head resting on his lap. He's playing with my hair, and though at first I overthought it and felt a little weird, but now I'm just letting it be, because it really does feel nice.

"Yeah... yeah, we did. Of course. We fought more in the beginning really. It took me awhile to, you know, get used to the idea of someone who wasn't messed up or crazy or anything. I don't know. You were just special, and I wasn't used to that."

"So you're saying basically all our fights were your fault?" I tease him.

He laughs. "Don't get ahead of yourself there."

"What was our worst one?" I ask tentatively.

* * *

_"He's your dad." Jo blurts out as Alex exclaims he doesn't want to know. "I'm so sorry Alex! I'm so sorry! I jumped the gun." Jo stands frozen as she watches Alex kicks a tray down of medical supplies. Should she go after him? She watches him disappear into the dark hallway. She went home with a sour feeling in her stomach._

_The next day, Jo's stomach still doesn't feel right when she walks into the hospital. It's not that she doesn't have her own little group of friends, because she gets along with the group of interns she started with just fine, it's just, they're not best friends. Of course she'd consider Steph one of her closest friends, but other than that, the closest person she has right now is probably Alex. And Alex is best friends with the owners of the hospital. Dating Alex is, in a way, like being part of the popular crowd at school. So not being on good terms with him gives her the sour feeling of everyone in the popular crowd hating her. Of course, she knows Alex is too stubborn to tell anyone if somethings bothering him. But Alex is like a book, and Meredith and Cristina can read him as well as Jo._

_"Morning Wilson." Dr. Yang says as Jo walks out of the locker room. She has a coffee in her hand she never stops walking. This is a signal for Jo to follow her._

_"Morning Dr. Yang." Jo replies._

_"You're on my service today. Alex requested Murphy so I switched."_

_Jo's jaw shifts, not only at Alex switching her out, but requesting Murphy. Of all people, he requested the one who was obsessed with him. Did he do this purposely to spite her?_

_"Here's your work for today. If you finish by three you can scrub in on my surgery." Cristina says, handing her a stack of charts as tall as her head. Jo narrows her eyes, but there's no point anyway, no one can see through the charts she's holding._

_"I need the chart on Terrance Harters." Alex says without even looking up. Jo looks up at the sound of his voice._

_"Here." She says, holding the chart up for him._

_"Thanks."_

_"Alex, wait." Jo says as he starts to turn around to leave._

_"What?"_

_"Can we talk?"_

_"Now isn't really the time."_

_"You should talk to your dad. He's getting discharged and-"_

_"Stay out of it, Jo. Just stay out of it."_

_"Okay." Jo says quietly. "But I still wanna talk. Will you meet me in the cafeteria for lunch at one?"_

_"Yeah." Alex says after a moment. "Whatever." He adds to make a point._

_Jo is nervous about talking to Alex in fear of what he might say, and yet still... looking forward to it has kept her going through all the grunt work all morning. She's almost done with everything, maybe a 20 minutes left of work. She leaves to the cafeteria feeling satisfied that she can talk to Alex and be able to scrub in with Cristina at three. At the cafeteria, Jo waits for about 15 minutes on the side before getting her lunch. She was going to wait for Alex, but it's okay. Even if she starts they can still talk. When she finishes her lunch, it's almost a quarter to two and she hasn't spotted Alex anywhere. He must have got pulled into some crazy emergency surgery, Jo thought. Though disappointed, she hoped that it would get Alex excited enough to want to tell her all about it. She finished her last chart quicker than expected, so a half hour before Dr. Yang's surgery, she went to find her in the attending lounge to ask if she could help with pre-ops._

_"Alex?" Jo said, watching her boyfriend eat a burger and fries in a white take home container from a restaurant._

_"Jo?" He said, not understanding why she acted so surprised. "Jo!" He continued, realizing. "I was supposed to meet you. Wow, I totally forgot. Listen, I'm sorry." He tried. Jo couldn't say anything, she couldn't even lift her mouth to close her jaw. She was so certain he was in some crazy surgery... why was she certain? Wow, she realized, I totally came up with that on my own. "Jo...?" Alex tried._

_"Forget it." Jo turned to Cristina. "Dr. Yang, I finished everything. Can I assist on pre-ops?"_

_"Room 321B." Cristina said, her eyebrows raised. "You're in troooouble!" She teased Alex when Jo left the doorway._

_"Shut up." Alex grumbled._

_"Trouble in paradise?" Cristina continued. "Did you seriously forget?"_

_"Yes. I don't know. I wouldn't just blow her off." Alex tells himself more than anyone._

_"I think you did though."_

_"Don't you have a surgery to be getting to?" Alex accused._

* * *

_"Alex, open up. I know you're home." Jo said, banging on Alex's front door. Alex opened up the door silently. "Alex, you have to let me in." Alex, begrudgingly, stepped out of the way for Jo to come in the house._

_"No, Alex. I meant let me inside you. Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, what you want, what you want from me. Let me in." Jo finished by taking a breath and waiting for Alex's reaction. Instead of speaking, he opened the door wider and moved to the side._

_"Okay," he said. "Come in."_

* * *

_"My dad was a bad drug addict. And yeah, my mom was crazy. But she didn't deserve the shit he put her through. So I started taking boxing lessons to buff up and rough him up a little. Just enough to scare him. But I blew up at him. My mom called 911 to bring him to the hospital. She was all worried about him. That was the last time I saw him. He never came home. My mom was really depressed after that. My mom was really twisted. Always on his side, ya know? They always told me that I was bad. Everything I did was wrong. But I took care of her when he left. I always figured someone should. I thought that maybe I could help her. Help her change. I was too young to realize that caring about someone won't fix their schizophrenia. I changed my last name to hers still though because I didn't want anything to do with my father," Alex babbles, lying down on his bed. Jo is next to him, but her head is on the opposite end, by the footboard. "I always believed them. When they said I was a bad person. Because I really thought they were right. I didn't think anyone would care enough to bother with me for the long run," Alex sits up. "Jo. I'm really sorry about blowing off lunch. I am. When I saw my dad in the hospital room pinning you against you the wall, something just snapped. It's scary to love anything this much, and when I saw him... it reminded me how easy it is for something you love to be taken away in a instant. But I don't wanna live like that anymore."_

_"I know Alex. It's okay." Jo says, sitting up and touching her hand to his cheek. Lying here with him, just talking; this is the closest she's ever felt to him, in every sense of the word._

* * *

"Wow." I say when Alex finishes. "So that was our worst?"

"Yeah, I mean, I think." Alex agrees. "But that's also when I knew."

"When you knew?"

"Yeah. I really think that day on the bed was when I knew you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with." Alex says, getting shy when he finished the sentence.

"That's... really corny." I laugh.

"Shut up." Alex says, but then smiles at me.

"Why are you smiling?" I ask quizzically, shifting my position to sit up next to him.

"Nothing. You just acted like your old self for a minute." Alex says. I look at him sympathetically, because I can't find the right words to respond.


	8. Chapter 8

"I lost my memory! I lost my entire life, Alex!" I say, my voice cracking.

"Stop being selfish!" Alex's says, his voice rising. "Think of someone other than yourself for one goddamn minute!" Alex snaps, and it surprises me. I've never seen him lose his temper at me. For some reason, this makes it worse, and I can't hold in the sobs begging to come out anymore.

"I can't think of anyone else! I don't KNOW anyone else!" I defend.

"Yeah, and I'm starting to think you don't WANT to know anyone." Alex mumbles.

"What?" I challange.

"Everyone has been trying so hard Jo! Everyone wants to help. You keep running away. You don't want help. It's like you want to be helpless."

"You don't understand Alex," I say, crying. "I lost everything. You don't know what that's like."

"Do you really think that? You were my life, Jo. And I lost you. I'm going to spend my entire life with a bunch of amazing memories that the love of my life won't know anything about except through, maybe, stories."

* * *

_"New interns today." Meredith says to Cristina and Alex._

_"Great," Cristina says sincerely. "I have so much paperwork I really didn't want to do." She finishes, and Meredith rolls her eyes._

_"Yeah, well, I'm not looking forward to it. They're always so eager and desperate. It's gross." Alex adds._

_"Eagerness is a good thing!" Cristina jokes._

_"Ew." Meredith and Alex say together, and all three laugh._

_"Incoming trauma!" Owen shouts, running past the three friends. "Karev. We need you." Owen says, a little more inevitable sadness comes with the knowledge there were kids involved._

_Alex goes to the supply closet to get the necessities before the ambulance arrives. Putting on his gloves, he turns to the girl following him around._

_"Is there a reason you're following me?" He snaps._

_"I'm your intern for the day."_

_Alex looks her up and down. Well at least she's hot._

_"You got a name?" He smirks._

_"Jo."_

_"Nice. I love girls with boy names." Alex says sarcastically. Jo shifts her jaw and nods. Wow, great. Her first day of real work and she's got the biggest douchebag in the hospital. "Just stay out of my way and do what I tell you." Alex commands._

_"Ok." Jo says under her breath._

* * *

_"Hey." Alex says, approaching Jo filling out the chart he gave her earlier._

_"Uh, hi." Jo responds, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear without looking up._

_"How's it going?" Alex tries._

_"Do you need something?" Jo says confused, finally looking up. She's been on Alex's service a lot the past couple months, and she was starting to wonder if he requests her. For a while, they seemed to be having a good friendship going. She even opened up to him about her past, something she hasn't done with anyone before. But when she's working with him lately, he's been acting like he hates her. So it'd make no sense for him to request her. All she's been doing is bringing him coffee and doing his grunt work._

_"No. Yes. I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink after work or whatever."_

_"A drink?" Jo asked, completely confused._

_"Yeah."_

_"Like a date?"_

_"I don't know. I guess." Alex shrugged._

_"I'm kinda seeing someone right now." She explains._

_"Oh. Alright." Alex says, trying to hide the deflation in his voice._

_Great, Jo thinks, now work is going to be even worse. If she thought he hated her before, it's going to be ten times worse now she rejected him. And it's not even her fault. God. Fuck Alex. Why did he have to go and do that? Why does he need to act so up and down? Why is there no middle ground with him? Fuck Alex. He only complicates everything in her life._

* * *

_"Wanna stop for a drink?" Jason asks, walking out of the movie._

_Jo doesn't really want to, but she doesn't feel comfortable saying no to him. "Sure." She agrees, taking a handful of popcorn from the large bowl she's carrying out of theater and bringing it to her mouth._

_"Wow, watch it there," Jason laughs. "You don't wanna start putting on the pounds." Jo, surprised, lets the popcorn fall out of her hand and back into the bowl. Popcorn was always her favorite part of going to the movies, because when she was young she never got that luxury._

_"I'll just have a beer." Jo says to Jason, sitting at the booth. She spots Alex sitting alone at the bar. She has a strange urge to approach him, but knows Jason would be mad, so decides against it. When he comes back, he's only holding one beer. "You didn't want one?" Jo says when he sits down._

_"Oh, no, this one is for me." He says, taking a sip. She tips her head and scrunches her eyebrows in confusion._

_"But I asked for one... I thought..."_

_"I know, but once I got up there, I decided you don't really need one. I'm in the mood tonight and I like my chicks completely sober. I want you to feel and remember everything." Jason laughs._

_"It's not your place to decide what or when I drink. It's not your place to decide anything I do actually." Jo says, her voice rising. She gets up to walk out, but Jason grabs her arm. Shoving him off her, she grabs her purse and walks to the bathroom before leaving. She realizes, as she's walking, that it's time to end things with him. It's not supposed to be like this._

_"Jason, what are you doing in here?" Jo says, surprised._

_"I said I'm in the mood tonight. When you're in a relationship with me, it's your job to make sure I get what I want."_

_"It's not my job to do anything." Jo says, not hiding her disgust._

_"I think you better reconsider." Jason says, making his voice smooth. Leaning her against the wall next to the sink and overpowering her. She's about to let herself go and let him have it when he's suddenly off her. In an instant Alex has him pinned against the wall and his voice is echoing throughout the bathroom walls._

_"If I let you go now, I swear you better make sure I never see your pathetic excuse for a face again." Something in the way Alex speaks makes Jason physically afraid._

_"Don't threaten me." He whispers, though he gulps first so Alex can sense he's afraid._

_"Don't make me make it more than a threat."_

_"Alex, please stop! Just let him go. I can handle myself."_

_Alex hits him against the wall one more time before letting him go. He rubs his shirt, then walks out with his head up. Alex doesn't hide the disgust on his face._

_"You didn't have to do that." Jo tells him._

_"I know that." Alex promises her._

* * *

I watch Alex talk with my jaw open.

"So what happened after that?!" I ask him, but it's more like a demand for more information.

"Then, you let me take your hand until we got to the car and I drove you home. And then after a couple weeks you agreed to go on a date with me."

"Our first date?"

"Yeah the movies. And then I ended up holding your hair in the bathroom because you had so much popcorn and soda. And you called me a girl for it. Actually you said 'oh great, I'm dating a girl now' but I didn't mind. I liked that you said we were dating."

"Oh." I let out a short laugh. "Well," I change the subject. "It's getting late. I think I should get some rest."

"Okay." Alex nods.

"And Alex. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been able to see it from your point of view. I've been so wrapped in myself so... I'm sorry. You deserve someone to be there for you the way you've been for me."

"It's okay, Jo. I know it's hard for you. Just forget what I said."

"No, I don't want to forget it." I tell him. "Do you um... would you wanna sleep in the bed tonight? With me? I mean the couch is probably uncomfortable and I- I want you to."


	9. Chapter 9 Part One

**A/N: Hello guys! so I've decided to split chapter 9 into two parts, so next part is going to be a little shorter. I'm posting part two very shortly, dont worry! THANK YOU AGAIN! to all the reviews and follows/favs and to anyone who's even just reading and keeping up with it, THANK YOU you make me so happy and I hope you have an incredible day because you are great and you deserve it :) I REALLY try to incorporate your ideas as much as I can and I love hearing them so I hope you like how it turns out.**

**Part two is a litte different, because it's mostly inside Jo's head but it's a turning point for the story, so keep an eye for it. Should be up soon :)**

_"It's her baby. Her one day old baby. She can't just leave!" Jo yells at Alex. Alex just pulled Jo off the woman leaving with her fifteen year old daughter._

_"It's not your place to worry about it, Princess. You're a doctor. Let social services do their job. All you have to worry about is keeping that baby alive." Alex snaps, finally letting go of her. Jo watches him walk away, not moving from her spot. She's shaking from anger._

_Alex finds Jo sitting alone in the tunnels._

_"What are you doing out here?" he asks curiously. "Didn't Meredith have a surgery?"_

_"Yeah. Shane scrubbed in." Jo explains._

_"Alright, what's wrong Princess?" Alex says, rolling his eyes but genuinely curious._

_"How about you just leave me alone for once? You know, instead of pretending like you know everything about my life? How about for one goddamn minute you just shut up and realize you know absolutely nothing." Jo's hands fly open from the fists she was holding, almost like poetry._

_"Whoa, what's your deal?" Alex says, not sure how to respond._

_Jo takes a deep breath. "My mom dropped me off at a fire station when I was two weeks old. I was bounced around in foster care my whole life until I was sixteen and I took matters into my own hands and started living out of my car. I parked behind my school and my teacher, Mrs. Schmidt let me sneak in and do my laundry. When I graduated, I didn't have a whole section of my richy-rich parents. I had one person: Mrs. Schmidt. So stop thinking you know everything about me and STOP calling me Princess."_

_Speechless, Alex moves to sit down next to Jo. "I- I'm sorry Jo. I didn't know."_

_"Of course you didn't. There was no way for you to. I didn't want anyone to know."_

_"Jo, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."_

_"No, I don't care. Just shut up about it, okay? I don't want anything to be different. I want a new start. I don't want this following me around everywhere._

_Alex nods to show Jo she can trust him. "For the record, you'd make a badass princess."_

_Jo looks at him and laughs in disbelief._

* * *

_"Alex, will you switch interns with me today?" Cristina asks._

_"Depends. Who do you have?" _

_"Wilson. You have Edwards right?"_

_"Yeah," Alex says distractedly, then gets to his point. "What's wrong with Wilson?" He tries his best to sound disinterested._

"_Oh, nothing really." Cristina says casually. "Just her perfect hair and eagerness annoy me."_

_"You talking about Wilson?" Meredith asks, coming up behind them._

_"Yup." Cristina's tone is flat._

_"What are your guys problems? You don't even know her. You don't like her because she wants to be good at her job? Or because she has good hair?" _

_"Alex, relax. We never said we didn't like her." Meredith says calmly. _

_"Yeah, relax. We didn't know we were insulting your girlfriend."_

_"Shut up." Alex responds. "I'm just saying there's more to a person than what you might think."_

_"Great, so you'll take her." Cristina answers for him._

_When Jo finds Alex, she appraoches him from behind. "Hey! I guess I got switched on your service again today." She says happily._

_"I need coffee and my post-ops monitered." Alex grumbles, not looking up. Jo mouths 'OK' as she turns around to go to the coffee cart. She has no idea what she did, but she's pretty sure he hates her again._

* * *

"I wasn't going to tell anyone about my past." I say.

"I know."

"I can't believe I told you."

"I kinda forced you into it."

"Yeah, I guess you did."

"I'm sorry about that." Alex apologizes.

"Don't apologize again. I must have really trusted you." I tell him. "So let me get this timeline straight. We meet. You're a total douchebag. Then I tell you my past and you're nice to me. Then you start being a total douchebag again. I start dating Jason. He's a douchebag. There's that whole scene where you scared him off me. Then I agree to date you. And since then we've been dating?"

"Pretty much. Except for that one time we tried to take a break but then two days later we ended up together in my bed in the middle of the night." He says, and I raise my eyebrows at him. "But that's a story for another time." When he finishes, he turns his head to look at me. We're lying side by side on the bed, both our bodies facing up, but my head is already facing him. He slept with me for the first time since the accident, and as much as I had my doubts about how I'd feel, it was actually the best I've slept. Something about Alex makes me feel so safe. He smells kinda like apples being baked with cinnamon and the sanitizing lysol smell from always being in the OR, all the time, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But it's something.

He's been very respectful. He didn't touch me at all, and though I like him being around me, I was glad. I was afraid if he did I would feel uncomfortable. But something in the warmness of his breath and the way he looked at me when he spoke, made me want to reach out for him. Gently I shifted my hand by my side just enough to intertwine my fingers with his, wordlessly. He responded with nothing, except gently closing his fingers in the grasp I created.

"Jo what I'm about to say... you don't have to respond. I don't want to make anything awkward for you. I've been holding back because of that. I don't want you to ever feel weird in anyway. But I have to keep reminding you- I love you so much, every part of you. I want you to remember that always. Whether you hate me, or don't remember me, or love me; I want you to remember you are loved beyond measure. I just want you to remember."


	10. Chapter 9 Part Two

**A/N: Here's part two of Chapter 9! It's different than the other chapters a little bit, but I hope you guys like it because it's going to be a whole new dimension of the story. I can't wait to write how their story goes now...:) Hope you guys like. I'll try to update Ch10 either tonight or if not tomorrow night. **

I've had to do a lot of thinking the past month. I've also done a lot of waiting. Waiting to understand, for things to make sense, for my memory to come back. Even for a sign that there's hope. I have been led and misled to believing these things. When I remembered Dr. Torres, I thought maybe that was a sign of it beginning to come back. And that hope kept me going for a while. But slowly, I have realized it was a fluke. Maybe I made up the memory, or saw a picture, or heard someone describe her. That's what the all the professionals say. I know it doesn't matter anyway though. Because, now, almost six months after waking up, my memory is still gone. But then again, who knows. Maybe I just can't remember myself remembering. I wouldn't be surprised if something all twisty like that was going on in my head.

But, as far as I know, I haven't remembered anything. Which means, I most likely never will. My life has been kinda like playing house when you're little. You play the part- the wife and husband and kids. The wife cooks dinner or whatever you do, it doesn't really matter. In the end it's just a game. You get to go home. I kept waiting to go home. When Alex tells me he loves me, I can see it in his eyes, I can almost see the words falling out of his mouth and feel the meaning behind them. I want so badly to be able to return that to him.. I want to feel the way he feels, but I can't find it in me. I see pictures of us, I see the girl that looks like me. I can see the smile on her face, but I have no memory of how she feels. I am trying desperately, but I can't conjure the feelings I must have felt.

So I have to make a decision, I've known this for awhile. I've been putting it off though. Because of fear, or dread, I don't know. But finally, I have made it. I've made the decision to love Alex. It doesn't really seem romantic now that I've said it out loud in my head. I guess it's not the most romantic thing in the world. But if I cannot conjure up old feelings, I either have to leave or decide to love him again. And with Ainsley, and the time we've both invested in each other's lives, it's not right to leave. So that really isn't an option. It can't be.

The idea terrifies me, honestly. It's hard to distinguish my feelings, because one moment in my brain I'm thinking about how logical it would be to stay, to start over, to really try to work with Alex. But in the next moment, I'm terrified of being with Alex, of this stranger that I don't know. It's frightening to imagine the idea of being married to someone I don't know. This is the hardest thing to grasp, I think, my changing emotions. It's hard to know which one is stronger, or correct. Or if there is one that is correct. It's hard to imagine making a decision and looking back at the end of my life and wishing I made a different one. But there really is never any knowing. I won't know how I'll feel 50 years from now, or in six months, or even tomorrow. I guess I have to live my life by what feels right for me in the moment. If it feels right, it can't be that wrong... right?

Alex has been so good to me, I realize, the best teacher I could have. Really, he's been my teacher, helping me relearn my old life, my old self, everything. It's hard to think of him as the person in the stories. It's hard to think of myself as the person in the stories, actually. I remember who I used to be, right out of school. I remember her, but it feels like an old friend I lost touch with. Like someone I used to know when I was younger.

I have an opportunity though. I can start over. I can be with Alex, continue our family. I can raise Ainsley, have a shot at being a good mom to her. She's two years old. It's not like I've missed most of her life. I'll still have her first day of school, her first dance, her first boyfriend. I can have an entire future with these people. It's what I've always wanted, that kind of stability. I've found that in Alex.

"Alex..." I say.

"Jo, don't worry about it. Please. It's okay if you don't respond. I'll go get Ainsley and get her breakfast."

"Alex, wait." I tell him.

"Yeah?"

"Would you um... would you like to go on a date with me?"


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: So I came home and saw I had a lot of new reviews and I felt like I needed to thank you guys somehow... I was gonna post this chapter tomorrow night but... I couldn't think of any other way to thank you. So thank you again! (I know I keep saying it! I just really mean it ok) For some reason I really liked writing this chapter (maybe because of all the future chapter ideas that came flowing while I was writing this but who knows), so enjoy :)**

"A date?" Alex says, turning around surprised.

"A date. Like... our first date. No stories. No trying to make me remember. A date where we get to start over. Just one night of that. So... would you?"

"Jo... of course.. I just didn't know-"

"Okay, great." I say stopping him. "So it's settled. How about today? We can take Ainsley. Let's go to the park. I think that will be nice."

"Okay." Alex says, and I can see the smile on his face fighting to be seen. "I'll get Ainsley ready," he volunteers. Since he offered, I decide to take a shower. Something about going on a date with Alex without having to desperately worry about remembering things I just don't remember is exciting. I have the sudden urge to do my hair and put on makeup and dress nicely. I don't want to look overdressed though. It's November, but it's almost 60 degrees. The wind is gentle, so it's a perfect day for the park. Secretly I'm hoping it gets cold soon again though, since Christmas is around the corner. I decide on wearing black leggings and a slightly loose grey off-shoulder sweatshirt. I wear grey wool socks with a green horizontal stripe on them underneath my ankle boots. My hair's natural loose curls are extra flowy today, so I leave them.

"Are you ready?" I say, walking down the kitchen. Ainsley is eating pancakes, and Alex is at the stove, still cooking.

"I made pancakes." He tells me, and I sit down.

"They smell good."

"Well, I make good pancakes."

"Clearly." I say, jokingly. "Do you mind?" I ask, taking a plate. I know he won't, but I still feel like I should ask.

"Absolutely. These pancakes are for me and Ains only." He says, straightening his eyebrows at me. I'm stopped in my tracks, because I'm so taken aback by his response. "I'm kidding. Of course you can eat whatever you want, Jo." He laughs. "It's your house, too." He says this more quietly.

"Right." I say, and put two pancakes on my plate. "Are they good?" I ask, turning to Ainsley. She nods her head. "Do you want more?"

"Yes!"

"What do you say?" Alex says without looking back. I must say, he looks really cute with a kitchen towel over his shoulder while he cooks.

"Pees." Ainsley smiles. I put another pancake on her plate and start cutting it up for her. Alex sits down to start eating with us, and it doesn't go unnoticed to me how family-like it feels. I look at Ainsley, who seems to be enjoying drenching her hands in syrup. Her hair is pulled back with two barrettes, one on each side. I can see Alex in her eyes, but when she smiles, it's like time travelling.

When we all finish, I volunteer to bring Ainsley to the car while Alex gets his jacket. That means getting her coat and shoes on. I've been avoiding things like this in case she doesn't listen. It feels wrong to yell at her, or discipline her, because it doesn't feel right yet. It doesn't feel like she's my child to yell at. But I need to start somewhere, so I take on this. To my surprise, she listens really well. As long as I keep reminding her that we get to go to the park, she's eager to corporate. Alex ends up getting to the car first, while I walk out the front door holding Ainsley's hand. It's chubby and small and trusting. It makes me feel important and needed, a feeling I've been lacking.

"Today is... the first page." I declare, walking with Alex.

"The first page?" He asks.

"Yes," I say matter-o-factly. "Our first page." We're walking through a trail in the park, Alex pushing Ainsley's stroller with one hand and eating a giant soft pretzel with the other. Ainsley has her own in the stroller, and it smells so good. "I should have got one." I say, regretting my decline in Alex's offer to buy me one.

"Here." He says, putting the pretzel in front of me. I look at him oddly first, but he smiles and raises his eyebrows like he's waiting so I take a bite while he's still holding it. I get the salt all around my mouth, so I quickly put my hand up while I'm chewing.

"So I was saying, our first page. Of our new story." I say after I swallow. "Not that we should forget the old one- well you shouldn't- but instead of one big story. I think we can have two. And this new one, I think it should start now."

"What about the last six months?"

"Doesn't count." I say, chewing another bite of Alex's pretzel. Something about talking to Alex here is so easy. When I don't have to worry about letting him down with not remembering or making myself look stupid, the conversation is so natural.

"Okay." Alex agrees after a moment. "A new story."

"Mamaaaa." A little voice calls out from the stroller. I look at Alex before I look down.

"...yes?" I answer Ainsley hesitantly, bending down.

"Twee!" She says, point to a tree we were passing on the trail. I can't help but laugh.

"Yeah, tree. Good job cutie!" I tell her and I give her a high five. She's pleased with herself. "She's so funny." I tell Alex when we're walking again.

"She's smart." He tells me. "She picks up on things so easily. She's a lot like you."

I smile. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this tiny human has is half me.

"Would you ever want to have more kids?" I ask Alex suddenly. I don't know where it came from. I don't think he does either.

"I don't know. I would like to, I think. I mean, I didn't know how much I'd love Ainsley until I met her. But I think you're more important right now. I want you to feel completely comfortable. That's what's important."

I nod with understanding. "Thank you," my voice is quiet. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Yeah?"

"Well you know the stories you told me? How you were a douchebag, then I told you everything and you were nice, then you were a douchebag again until that day with Jason? And it started that day you stuck up for me with your friends when she wanted to switch interns, you being mean again. Well I've been thinking about it ever since you told me and...Why? What happened?"

"Oh, that one's easy." Alex says, turning his gaze to look into my eyes. "I realized I was in love with you."

I can't help it, but for some reason, I blush when he says that. All the times before when he's talked about loving me in the past, it's seemed like he was talking about someone else, like it didn't apply to me, really. But this time, I knew it was me. He fell in love with me, and here I am.

"Okay." I respond. "Follow-up. Why didn't you just tell me? Why were you trying to hide it?"

"I slept with all the interns and stuff and we were already just friends... I don't know. I didn't think you'd settle for someone like me."

The idea of Alex believing I was the one who settled makes my heart so swell so much, it feels like it's going to erupt. After all he has given up for me, and his patience, and love the past couple months. I don't know how to show him what he's made me feel.

"Alex." I say, realizing, and I stop walking. He stops and turns to me, confused. My hand grazes his cheek, and the pads of my fingers can feel his jawline when I reach up. Our kiss is gentle and soft and lasts only for a moment before I pull away. "There." I say and I start walking again. He follows, and I notice Ainsley is fast asleep.

"Just so you know," I add to clarify, "I don't normally kiss on the first date."


	12. Chapter 11

"Alex." I yell suddenly and go downstairs. I find him picking up toys in the living room as Ainsley continues to make a mess.

"Ains, can you work with me here?" Alex says. In response, she laughs. "Hey." Alex says, smiling when he looks at me. I realize I was smiling watching him, too.

"Hey" I say. "How's everything?"

"Good," he says. "How are you? Did you sleep well?" And I realize it's almost eleven o clock. "Yeah." I answer. "Hey," I say to change the subject, remembering why I came down to find him. "I remember."

"You remember?" He asks me.

"Yes. I remember coming to your house. I remember it was dark, and cold out. And I was waiting for a while outside for some reason. Then I remember being in your bed. And you telling me you loved me. I think I was in some sort of fight because I- I remember the feeling of being there with you." I tell him. "I remember how I felt with you that night."

* * *

_"Jo?" Alex said, approaching his front door. He could see Jo sitting by the front with her head down. She was wearing a brown leather jacket and her curls were even more defined than usual._

_"Alex." She looks up, and lets her hands fall down. When Alex sees her face for the first time, something changes in his demeanor. And when Jo looks into his brown eyes, for the first time, she realizes fire is not always the color red._

_"Who did this?" He demands._

_"Alex..." Jo responds, her voice small. "Please. Let's go inside." Alex nods when he realizes they're still standing outside. Almost like he's come back to earth, he opens the front door. He puts his hand on the small of her back and leads her in. Sitting on the bend, he asks again what happened. His arm is around her back, almost like he's trying to make up for not being there to protect her._

_"He was there when I got home. He was supposed to bring my key back to work and I was going to give him his stuff back. But he demanded his stuff now, but when I went to get it he f-followed me and he closed the bedroom door. I told him to get out, to leave me alone but he wouldn't listen. I fought him off. He was still yelling when I left. I can't go back there." Jo said, not being able to stop her voice cracking._

_"You don't have to go back." Alex assures her. "You're okay. You're safe here."_

_"I knew he was a douchebag and could be selfish... but I never thought he'd really hurt me. I thought he cared about me. Even at his worst, I thought he was different." Jo says, unable to stop crying. "It got so bad." Her voice breaks on the word bad, so it sounds more like bah-ad._

_"You don't have to worry anymore. I won't let him hurt you again." Alex says, holding her hand up to ice her eye. He lays her down on his pillow and pulling the covers over her. "If you need me, I'll have my phone." He didn't realize how angry he was until Jo was out of his hands. Without her to hold, he feels like he needs to punch something. Or someone._

_"Alex, don't." Jo says, knowing his mind inside and out._

_"I'll be back." Alex says, already almost out the door._

_"Alex... please stay." Jo says, her voice calling out sounding weak. At this, Alex is stopped. He thinks for only a moment then turns around to face her._

_"Okay." He agrees, slowly. "Whatever you need." He walks back to her and puts down his keys and phone._

_"Lay with me." Jo whispers. "Please." Alex nods and lays down on top of the covers next to Jo._

_"Do you need anything?" Alex asks._

_Jo shakes her head. "I'm sorry," Jo starts. "I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you hate me before."_

_"You never did anything. I don't hate you Jo."_

_"Okay." She says softly, accepting his apology. His voice is smooth, but not buttery like Jason's. When Alex speaks, his words come to life, like a blanket warming the air around her. She turns her body to face him so she can lace her arm with his. Not in a romantic way, not like that. Just in the knowledge that as long as she can feel Alex, the rest of the world ceases to exist. The relief of those few moments of letting her guard down, because someone else will protect her. Jo lets her mind mirror her eyes when they close._

_I love you._

* * *

_"This place looks so different in the dark." Jo says._

_"Yeah."_

_"Thanks for staying with me, you know, last night."_

_"Yeah well if I didn't, I probably would have ended up killing the guy." Alex admits._

_"Why? Why would you do that for me?" Jo asks genuinely._

_"Jo." Alex starts. "Do you really think I hate you?" His tone is laced with disbelief._

_At first Jo thinks this is an easy answer, but before she quickly responds with yes, she stops to think for a moment. Before she says anything, Alex speaks again. "Jo, I have to say something."_

_"Maybe you shouldn't," she realizes._

_"You asked me. You wanted to know."_

_"Okay well-"_

_"Shut up."_

_"Okay."_

_"I love you." The curve of Jo's mouth comes quickly and powerfully and overcomes her face. Wordlessly, she wraps her arms around his neck to embrace him._

* * *

"So you said we started dating a couple weeks after the bathroom incident? When was this?"

"We were dating right after that night."

"You weren't going to tell me this story." I tell him. Wordlessly, he confirms it by shaking his head. "Why not?" I ask.

"I don't know," he admits. "That night. When you told me you thought he was different and you said you couldn't believe he'd hurt you... I didn't want you to remember that. I didn't want you to remember what that felt like. I didn't want to risk it."

"But you're the hero of the story." I tell him.

"No. I'm not. You are. You left him. You stood up for yourself and took care of yourself when no one else did. You're the hero of every one of your stories." He tells me, simply.

I like this idea.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: In response to some requests, here is Alex's POV of the accident. I'm considering doing more Alex POVs with Jo's if I get good feedback about it, otherwise I'll go back to Jo. Let me know! Thanks for reading :)**

"Alex, you know she might not wake up." Meredith tells me, as if I don't already know.

"I don't care, Mer. The odds doesn't matter. Only she matters." I say, frustrated.

"Alex..." She says soothingly.

"Mer. I will wait. I'm not giving up on her. I can't. Ainsley can't. That's Jo in there. It's not some random patient. It's Jo." I emphasize.

"I know..." She says, putting her hand on my arm and rubs it up and down.

"No, you don't! You had Cristina and Derek and even Richard looking out for you. I never had anyone, not like Jo. She's the only one I have." At this, Meredith nods, unable to correct him that all of them have always looked out for him. I turn to go into Jo's room, leaving Meredith at the nurses station.

"He didn't take it well, I assume?" Cristina says, coming up behind Meredith.

"Of course not." She says. "How could you take that well?" And Cristina shakes her head to respond. "What do you think? Think she'll wake up?"

"I don't know," Cristina responds, looking into the room where Alex is sitting by her bedside. "I hope so though. Alex has been so good with her. I don't know want to see him lose her. After everything he went through with Izzie... it just doesn't seem fair, you know?"

"I know." Meredith agrees. Both looking into the room, she sighs. "The trauma to her head is severe though. Derek did what he could, but even if she wakes up... she'll most likely have severe amnesia or deficits... it won't be the same. I don't think he realizes that."

"Who's going to tell him?" Cristina asks.

"I can't. I can't be the one delivering all the bad news."

"You're Jo's doctor."

"I know." Meredith says defeated. "But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

* * *

Everyone keeps telling me it's time to start thinking about extraordinary measures. I know they're just doing their job, but it feels like they're signing off on Jo's death sentence. They're supposed to be doctors for godsakes, they're supposed to be focusing on saving her. Not on how she dies. I'm not ready to be thinking like that.

I stand up and yell at the sudden rapid beeping on Jo's machine. Her heart rate is stopping. I freeze for a moment, then begin compressions and mouth-to-mouth. A nurse is in the room quickly, but I don't give her Jo's life. Her hands are not trustworthy enough for me to place Jo's life in them.

"Sir, let me take over." I hear the strange voice, but I ignore it. "Sir, please." When Derek appears moments later, I tell him she's crashing. I don't have time to wipe the tears off my cheek as I beg him to save her. I can hear my own voice break in my pleads. I see blurs of faces working fast, I see Derek and Jackson and April, I see faces I don't recognize. It's a blur of slow motion of their hands moving and yelling orders at one another. Jo's mouth is slightly parted open, her eyelashes look like a dark, beautiful sealant of her closed eyes.

_Let me be empty_

_Oh and weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight_

_In the arms of the angel_

_Fly away from here_

"Alex." I hear, and I realize I'm on the hospital room floor. I look up to Derek standing over me. "Alex, she's alive. Do you hear me? She's alive." He reiterates. I feel myself crumble at the intensity of what I feel.

"She's okay...?"

"She's alive." Derek clarifies. "But she suffered serious brain damage from lack of oxygen. If she wakes up, the chance she'll suffer extreme sorts of mental deficits is almost guaranteed. Alex... you have a lot of big decisions to make."

I walk to Jo's room. She looks so beautiful, even asleep. I lift my hand to her hair, laying by her sides. It's still soft to the touch, and I can smell the remnants of her coconut shampoo. I hold her hand, her skin is soft. My thumb traces the lines on her palms. Jo used to joke about me always doing this, and I realize, I always liked the idea that it was like tracing the different stories of her life and being a part of it. Her hand is warm. I try to imagine never feeling it again, never smelling the scent of her hair, never yelling at her to hurry up, never having her walk in again when I'm in the shower, rolling over in the morning to an empty spot. But I can't. It's not time.

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here_

* * *

"How is she?" Meredith asks me, looking at Ainsley in my arms.

"She's good." I answer. "Her bruises from the seat belt are healing really well. Right Ains? You're okay?" She's too distracted by Mer to look at me. We're standing outside Jo's room. "Can you take her?"

"Of course." She says and puts her arms out for Ainsley to reach out to.

I walk into Jo's room. She's asleep, but Meredith paged me that she woke up for a few seconds earlier. I can't believe I wasn't here. I wanted life to be normal for Ainsley but I want to be here for Jo more than anything. I hold her hand and rest my eyes, ready to wait, because I'm going to be here until she wakes up again.

"Who...who are you?" Jo asks, and I look at her. I'm holding her hand, and she looks scared.

"Jo...Jo." I say, letting my emotions get the best of me. I forgot the sound of her voice, I realized. I forgot what it does to me. "It's me.. Alex. Do you remember me?" I knew she would have memory problems, or some type of problems, but it's hard to fathom that it could really happen. That Jo could really forget me. But I see it in her face, in the eyes I know so well, she feels guilty for it. "It's okay, Jo. You were in an accident. It's not your fault. You were in a car accident."

She asks me who I am, and I try to explain with as much information as I can without overwhelming her.

* * *

"Alex, you know this is going to be a lot of work." Cristina tells me.

"I know." I assure her.

"You're going to need a lot of patience." Meredith adds.

"I know!"

"Exactly, not like that." Meredith points out.

"I know, Mer." I say, more calmly. "I don't care."

"Are you sure you're ready for this? You don't have to do this. There are plenty of people who can help Jo. I can call her family."

"I am her family." I say coolly. "And it's not an option. If it's a few bad weeks, or months, or even years for me, I don't care. This isn't a decision I have to make. I would do anything for her, Mer. That includes dealing with some frustration. If her memory never comes back, I'll create new memories with her. I don't care. If she's alive, I'm going to be there. It's not an option." Alex says, and walks out of the attendings lounge and back to Jo's room.

When I see Jo, I don't see a challenge. I don't see frustration and dread. I see the way she held on to me when she was scared, the way she fought for a kidney for one of my patients. I see the smile on her face the first time I told her I loved her, and I see her protruding stomach holding the life we created together. There's nothing about Jo Wilson I don't love, and having the ability to help her, the only thing it feels like is giving back half of what she's given me. Everything I love simply wouldn't exist without her.

I spent almost two weeks thinking I was going to lose her. Imagining how to survive a life without her, a life of waking up alone, of someday having to tell Ainsley what happened. This accident, whatever changes it creates for Jo, opened my eyes. It changed me for the better.


	14. Chapter 13

"Merry Christmas!" I say cheerily to Ainsley. She's in her crib, standing up waiting. Alex is still asleep. It's six in the morning, and I couldn't sleep. So I figured I'll let him sleep a little. "Are you hungry baby?" I ask and she nods. I pick her up and carry her downstairs.

It's my first Christmas since the accident. I'm really excited actually. Me and Alex have been "dating" for almost two months now. It does feel like longer. I'm starting to remember some things, I think. It's just like these bursts of memories or feelings like a flash. A lot of times it's like a camera focusing for a moment before it goes fuzzy again. But sometimes they stay. Sometimes.

"Wanna make cinnamon rolls?" I ask Ainsley, partly because I actually don't know if she likes them or not. She seems pretty excited about it, so I take it as yes. We have the ones in that pop-up container in the freezer, so I take those out. I might as well go all out, and Ainsley likes stirring, so I start putting the ingredients to waffles in a bowl and give Ainsley the spoon. She also likes to watch the waffles form in the waffle maker. While she mixes, I start bacon too. I mean, even though it's just the three of us, it's Christmas. By the time everything is finished, it's past 7:30.

"Smells good!" I tell her. "Let's go wake up Daddy so we can see what Santa brought you." After I wash mine and her hands, I let her walk ahead of me up the stairs. I have to keep reminding her to walk, not run because she's so excited. Once we get to the top, she runs to our door. She still can't get turning the door handle down, so she waits for me. I open the door and wait there while she runs in. She climbs up at the foot of the bed and crawls up to Alex. He's laying on his side, facing the door. Ainsley sits right next to his face, and sticks her head to inches away from his face.

"Dada wate up! Sana come!" She says, placing her chubby hand on his cheek and tilting her head. Alex eyes flutter open, and I watch his smile when he sees Ainsley's face. I can't help but smile watching the whole scene.

"Good morning, Ains." Alex smiles at her. "Can Dada take a shower first?" Ainsley shakes her head no passionately, and I can't hold in a laugh. Alex sits up and swings Ainsley under his arms, like a superhero. He makes airplane noises, leading her downstairs. I follow, feeling full.

"Me and Ainsley made breakfast." I tell Alex when we get downstairs.

"Smells really good." He tells me. "Good job Ains!" He says, putting her down. She runs to the Christmas tree in the living room. "How long have you been up?" He asks me.

"A couple hours. I figured I'd let you sleep. Ainsley was up early."

"You didn't have to do that."

"It was no big deal." I tell him. "We should probably see what Ainsley is getting into though."

In the living room, Ainsley is just standing and staring at the tree. It's obvious she's overwhelmed by what she sees and me and Alex both laugh at her small body staring in awe.

"Do you wanna open one?" Alex asks her.

"Foh me?" She asks.

"They're all for you baby girl." He tells her. Her mouth drops, and me and Alex both laugh again. "You pick whatever you want to open first."

* * *

We've apparently been going to Meredith's for Christmas dinner since before Ainsley was born. I've seen Meredith a couple times, and Jackson and April have stopped over a few times so I know them. April has been really nice to me, so hopefully they talk to me. I try not to let Alex see how nervous I am, because then he'll tell me we don't have to go. And I don't want to take anything else away from him. Alex, from the drivers seat ask if we're ready. Ainsley yells yes, and I nod when he looks at me. I'm wearing a loose red sweater-shirt and jeans because Alex told me it was casual, but Ainsley is in an adorable red dress with a black bow around the waist and white tights.

"You okay?" Alex asks me.

"I'm fine. Stop asking me." I tell him.

"I'm just making sure."

"I know," I assure im. "But stop that."

"Stop?"

"Stop asking if I'm okay. I promise I am."

"Okay." He agrees.

As soon as we get to Meredith's, I realize I'm uncomfortable. It's not that anyone is mean or ignoring me, because they aren't at all. But I realize, for the first time, how bad everyone feels for me. I mean I understand, I felt bad for myself for awhile. But there are many other aspects of myself besides what happened to me. There's plenty of alcohol here though, so I'm not completely miserable.

* * *

Damn. Alex is hot. How have I not taken advantage of this?

"Goodnight Jo." I hear him say.

"Wherreeea areeyouu going?"

"You need your sleep." He tells me. But I ignore him. I sit up and put my arms around his neck so he can't leave. I smash my lips into his before he moves and I let my tongue slide into his mouth. It feels slimier than I remember. Is that me? Or him? Either way, I continue.

"Stayyy.' I tell him. I can feel him kissing me back. Yes, Alex. Kiss me back. Let me have it. I place his hands on my chest. At this, he pulls away.

"Jo, stop. You need to sleep." Ignoring him, I take my shirt off. I go to kiss him again, wearing only my black lace bra. Damn, I don't remember putting this on, I think to myself. But I'm glad I did. Suddenly I stop because I feel something in my throat.

I can feel the vomit traveling from inside my mouth to around it and all down my stomach. I stop, suddenly embarrassed.

"Oh Jo..." I hear a voice say. I forget where I am. Then it gets really bright. Someone turned the lights on. I'm pretty sure I'm in the bathroom. I hear the water running and then I feel warmness all over me. Someone is washing my hair and I'm sitting in the bathtub. Wow, whoever this is is really nice. I love them, I think.

"Goodnight Jo." I hear. I feel blankets being pulled over me. It's really warm and comfortable.

"I love you." I tell whoever gave me the blanket, and then I begin to dream.


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: THE JOLEX SCENE LAST NIGHT THO?! "TOGETHER FOREVER" AND "HAVINF KIDS" IT SOUNDS LKE A FANFIC. WOWWW IM SO EXCITED FOR FEB 27TH TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH JOLEX! anyway, thanks for the views and reviews. in case you guys haven't noticed the more reviews i get the faster i tend to post (:**

_"I NEED AN EPIDURAL." Jo exclaims to anyone who's in a close enough diameter to her._

_"It's too late for.. you're already too far..." Someone tells her with a timid voice. She wanted to do this whole thing with no drugs, but that was when she thought Alex was going to be here to let her squeeze his hand. And before it started._

_"Where is my husband?" She demands. Really he could be anywhere. Her due date isn't for six weeks, so it's not like this was expected._

_"On his way." They tell her. That's bullshit. She knows because she's been in delivery rooms and high stress medical situations before. On their way is the protocol for anyone asking for anyone._

_"I need him here." Jo tells them. But she doesn't know if they respond, because she loses her focus. All she can concentrate on is the sharp pain and pressure. Trying to focus on breathing, she asks "Can I push? I really need to push."_

_"Hold on just one minute sweetie." Her biggest pet peeve. She doesn't like being called sweetie at all. Especially by someone she barely knows who's staring at her uncharted territory. "Alright now give me one good-"_

_"I'm here, I'm here." Alex says, rushing in. He's sweaty and out of breath and still in scrubs. "Why didn't you page me?"_

_Jo gives him her best death stare. "I was a little busy." Then she lets out a scream._

_"Here, squeeze my hand." As Alex is reaching out, she grabs it quickly and squeezes. The shock makes him yelp a little._

_"Okay, sweetie, take a deep breath and give me one big push."_

_Jo rolls her eyes. But then does what she says. Alex yells again at her squeezing of his hand._

_"Alright, good, good. Take a few deep breaths." She follows instruction. So does Alex. Jo smiles at that. "Okay, you ready for another one?" She's planning to tell her yes, but I scream first. Shit, it feels like someone is standing over me and repeatedly stabbing my stomach with a knife, Jo thinks. "You okay?" She nods. "You ready?" She nods again._

_Jo thinks about how Alex looks about ready to faint when they tell us it's a beautiful baby girl._

_"What's wrong? Why isn't she crying? Alex, is she okay? Why isn't she crying?"_

_Her stats are lowShe's not breathingShe needs a central lineGet her hooked upHurry._

_The sounds of the voices are swimming in the air around her, and she's trying to make sense of it, but it's like little Nemo trying to catch up with the sharks. She looks to Alex, the only thing she knows._

_"Where is she?"_

_"They're running some tests on her. It's all going to be okay..." Alex's voice trails off at the sound of the monitor beeping._

_"We need a crash cart in here!"_

_"Is she dying?" Jo yells._

_"She's going to be fine..." But even Alex can barely believe himself._

_At the second sound of beeping, Alex looks down at Jo after being distracted by watching the doctors perform on the baby._

_"Jo!? Jo!" Her eyes roll to the back of her head her muscles begin contracting. "Someone help!"_

_"She's seizing!" A male doctor Alex has never seen before yells this._

_"What is happening? She was just talking!" Alex says._

_"Unfortunately this is a severe case of the preeclampsia that forced her into early labor called eclampsia. She will most likely wake up fine with no memory of seizing."_

_Alex places his hand over his mouth and rubs the skin around it down. "So she's going to be fine?"_

_"Most likely."_

_"What about the baby?"_

_"She's on a ventilator. She's already doing much better. Would you like to see her?"_

* * *

_"Jo, she's beautiful." Alex tells her sitting by her bed. Jo smiles._

_"Take me to see her."_

_"I don't know if I'm allowed Jo..."_

_"I have to see her, and hold her. Alex, I'm her mom. She needs me! She needs me to be there with her."_

_"I know... okay. Let me see what I can do, okay?" Alex comes back with a wheelchair after a short fight with the nurse and supervisor. "Okay, lets go."_

_"This is why I married you." Jo jokes._

_"I know."_

_"She needs a name you know." Alex says to Jo._

_"What were you thinking?" Jo says, not taking her eyes off the tiny girl._

_"I don't know. Do you like Jordan? Or Ainsley? I like both. Or Lindsay?"_

_"Ainsley." Jo says. "I like that."_

_"Ainsley." Alex says, looking through the barrier to see Ainsley's face._

_"Ainsley Lotus." Jo says, matter of factly._

_"Lotus?"_

_"Lotus is an unbreakable flower that thrives in the harshest of conditions. Just like her."_

_"Ainsley Lotus Karev. I like it."_

* * *

I put Ainsley to bed over two hours ago, and let me tell you something about waiting. It's not enjoyable at all. Not only will you be bored, but you'll be forced to think so much you'll start to lose your nerve. If you were planning to do something that is; which I am.

Alex is in surgery. He's saving a child's life right now and all I can think about is my pathetic self and my pathetic selfish needs. I don't know when exactly he'll be back, so I don't know when to light the candles. He texted me that he was leaving almost thirty minutes ago, but surgeons get wrapped up in their jobs. I understand. I decide on lighting the candles now anyway. He'll probably be home within the hour, so we should be good.

There's thirty five candles in all. I know because I had to buy every single one. And you know something? When you're checking out seven packages of five candles each, everyone around you knows what is about to go down. Or, at least, what you're hoping will go down.

My palms are starting to get sweaty and I'm losing my nerve. I get up to start blowing out the candles, because I suddenly realize how stupid of an idea it is. Stupid, stupid, stupid. On my fourth candle blown out, the door swings open.

"Oh."

"Alex!" I exclaim in shock.

"I'm sorry.. was I.. was I interrupting something?" He laughs.

"Shut up!"

"Was all this for... us?"

"No, it was for my side lover, Carlito."

"Jo, I didn't know you wanted to. I didn't think you were ready. You didn't need to go through all of this."

"I wanted you to want me... I didn't know if you did after taking care of me this whole time, since the accident and I don't know. After that incident at Christmas when I got all drunk and embarrassing. Because I really want you. Like I want you. But it was stupid. This whole thing was stupid." I start babbling, but I am stopped. We've kissed a good amount of times since we started dating for the second time, but this time it's different. Before it was a way to say thanks or I love you or you made me smile. It was always endgame though. This time isn't just saying all those things, it's asking for more. I can feel the hunger in his lips. I wonder if he can feel it mine.

"Alex wait." I say and pull away. "What if I forget how to, you know."

He laughs. "I don't think you've forgotten." And he kisses me again and pulls off his shirt.

"Wait." I interrupt again, pulling away. He stares at me. "What if I'm not good? Or you don't like it?"

"Jo, are you sure you want to do this?" He asks.

"Yes, I'm definitely sure."

"Then stop worrying. I'm in love with you." And he brings his mouth back to mine.

This time around though, I don't interrupt.


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello guys! This may be a little long. I just want to extend a HUGE thank you to everyone who's read Lucky Goodbye. This is going to be the last chapter, for now, as I will be primarily focusing on my new story With Love. However, I definitely will consider a continuation (possibly a type of epilogue short story?) if you guys would read it. Let me know! Also it ended a few hours ago but HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TO THE BEAUTIFUL CAMILLA LUDDINGTON! THANK YOU FOR PLAYING THE PART OF JO SO BEAUTIFULLY!**

**Added: I would like to say one thing: I think constructive criticism on my writing/storylines/characters anything is appropriate and I actually would really like to hear that if you think there is something I can improve on to make a more enjoyable story. But I would like to point out I am not pursuing a career in writing. I am going to school for a job in the medical field, not English. I do enjoy writing and I love Greys Anatomy and Jolex but these stories are for simple enjoyment. Please do not take them too seriously and please if you don't like them, do not leave mean comments that are personal to me in the review section. (I will not post them) I am kinda sensitive if I'm being honest.**

**Anyway, to the people who have been following this story and leaving reviews on multiple chapters... I can't thank you enough. I look forward to your responses and you guys make me smile so much. I hope you'll give With Love a shot and hopefully you will enjoy that too. Together we can make it until Feb 27th!**

"Am I supposed to be able to breathe?" I ask Stephanie, standing in a room covered almost completely in white, including the white flowers on the small, round, glass tables.

"No." She laughs.

"Okay, good."

"You look beautiful." She tells me, and reaches her arms out for a hug.

"Thank you Steph. For everything." I continue. I feel so lucky. The past couple months have been such a roller coaster. Alex has been incredible, but it's been so great having a best friend again. Once I went back to work, everyone was really understanding. But Stephanie gave up surgeries to be by my side the first couple weeks. She definitely helped me ease back into it all and feel comfortable again.

"Of course." She says, holding the embrace.

"Knock, knock." A blonde head pops in the crack through the door.

"Hi. You must be here to do her hair." Stephanie says to the smiling blonde woman holding a small bag. "I'm going to check on how everythings going outside," she says, turning to me. I nod.

"So are you nervous?" The blonde woman asks me. She has fake french nails and long eyelashes. She's pretty.

"A little. I'm excited though." I tell her. I try not to be awkward, but I'm bad at small talk.

"I would be nervous," she tells me.

"Ohh... okay." I don't know why she's telling me this.

"But you shouldn't be! I mean, you got a great guy."

"Thanks." I smile, because she is right. I don't know how she's met him though. Maybe she did his hair. I giggle at the thought. I like his messy hair, I realize. I imagine what you could do to slick it down. Suddenly I just want to see him. Maybe because I feel awkward, and Alex always helps with that.

"Oh... you look beautiful!" The blonde lady tells me as she finishes.

"Thank you... I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name."

"Amanda," she smiles. "Good luck today. I wish you two the best!" She hugs me. I try to hug her back, but I can feel the weirdness. I've always been weird with interacting with people I don't know.

I'm left alone in the white room with my thoughts. The nerves begin creeping up on me, but I try not to think about it. The past year has been an incredible journey. Even if I could go back, I don't think I would change anything. Alex has been an angel and I can't imagine how anything could have brought us closer. At first it felt like pressure to be with him, and I resented it. I resented my life. But then, all at once, falling in love with him was consummate and absolute. I fell in love with the nonsense words he speaks in his sleep, the smell of his shampoo filling the air around me, the way his laugh isn't just a sound but a source of a light. I fell in love with his eyebrows scrunching up in thought, and the moments I caught him up in the middle night reading medical encyclopedias. The less I thought about it, the easier it was to appreciate the smallest things about the man who loved me.

But there were my doubts. At first more than ever, the thought of running was always in the back of my mind. Sometimes it got even harder to destroy those thoughts. It was overwhelming. As dreamy as it sounds having a loving husband and a house and an adorable baby waiting for you, it's more overwhelming than anything. It was hard knowing that there were expectations of who I was that I could not possibly live up to, because I had no idea of knowing what they were. The temptation was always there, to run away, to start over with a life and people who didn't know me before, and who couldn't possibly have any expectations of me. I don't know what kept me around. Sometimes I honestly have no idea. In those moments, I'm grateful for whatever kept me around. Maybe it was the allure of Alex's smile or the soft need in Ainsley's hands. Whatever it was, I'm grateful.

"Jo?" Stephanie opens the door with Leah and Ainsley.

"Hi baby!" I say and Ainsley runs to me. "You look soo beautiful!" She's in a white dress with a purple ribbon tied in a bow around the back. She's got a white weaved basket with purple accents. "Are you ready to throw the flowers?"

"Yez!"

"You two look great." I say to my coworkers and friends. Stephanie and Leah are in matching lavender dresses, Stephanie with straight hair and Leah with curls.

"Ready to go so mommy can make her big entrance?" Leah asks Ainsley.

"No stay"

"I'll see you in a few minutes alright?" I promise her, although I love when Ainsley wants to be around me. Ainsley accepting me so wholeheartedly was such an amazing part of relearning my life. I think, maybe, in a way she saved my life.

She agrees reluctantly and leaves with Stephanie.

I asked Alex to remarry me three months ago, because I wanted a memory to have. We decided to try and remake all the important memories I lost. It's a little bit of a small gathering though. From what I've heard, our first one was a little bigger. We still have all of our hospital family though. All of Alex's years, basically the people who own the hospital, and all of my year, basically the first year attendings and fellows. There's also people like Dr. Bailey, Dr. Hunt and Callie and Arizona. Somehow, they're part of the family too. Alex never explained how it happened, but it's just kind of known.

I watch from a small window Ainsley walking down the aisle throwing little purple and white flower petals. I smile at her chubby arms reaching in the basket and out in the air. I'm ushering to the end of a line, and after Stephanie I walk down the aisle. All eyes are on me, but I focus my sights on Alex to keep my cool. His hair is slicked and brushed down and he wears a grey tux with a black tie. He looks nervous, and I feel my heart flutter. I can't help but smile at him. I asked Alex to write our vows, and they ask him first.

"I, Alex Karev, take you, Josephine Wilson to be my wife. You are the love of my life, and today I ask you to be my wife, my partner, my friend for the rest of my life. Again." he adds, and everyone lets out a polite laugh. "I promise our life will be a tapestry of happiness, laughter, family, and friends. I offer you all I am capable of giving. I will be loyal to you, love you, and adore you. I will support you in whatever your heart tells you to do. I will be an avid listener and a patient teacher. I will play with you and cry with you, try to bring out the best in you, and for you, be the best I can be every day as your supporter, best friend, and husband."

I swallow back tears because I know my makeup took hours to get just right. "I, Josephine Wilson, take you, Alex Karev to be my husband. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride. I promise to make you laugh at the end of all your long days, and to take care of you when you're sick. I promise to make your birthday a big deal, to give you the bigger half of our sandwiches, to remember to keep the volume down when it gets too loud, to support your coffee habit. I promise to love everything you are more every day, and to show you not only with words but actions, every day, for the rest of our lives."

When Alex kisses me, I forget where we are, if only for a moment.

* * *

After the reception, when we're finally alone and Ainsley is with Callie and Arizona and Sofia, we're lying on our bed silently. Ironically, it's the most intimate I think I've felt in awhile.

"Alex."

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jo."

"I have to tell you something else."

"Yeah?"

"I'm pregnant."


End file.
